Snoring

I.

Both my parents were snorers. On a trip to Italy, sharing a room with my mother for economy, I hardly slept. I tried sandwiching my ears between pillows, filling them with toilet paper, tying shirts around my head, and even closing myself into the bathroom, curling up between the sink and toilet on the cold tile floor. Finally, exhausted at four in the morning, I left, walked a couple of blocks, and waited for sunrise at the Pantheon.

II.

My college roommate is snoring.

"Dave!"

Still snoring.

"Dave!"

Still snoring.

"Dave! Wake up!"

No answer. I stand up and walk over to his bed.

"Dave," I say, nudging his arm.

Still snoring. But why? His air passage must be blocked. Why? Because his head is tilted down toward his chest. So now what? Fix it.

Recalling CPR lessons from years past, leaning over him, I place my left hand on his forehead and my index and middle fingers from my right hand under his chin, and begin to gently tilt his head back.

At that moment, he wakes up.

III.

I'm snoring now. Is it the weight gain, the longer eyebrow hair, or something else to do with the aging process? I tried wearing an adhesive strip on my nose, opening the passages, but that didn't work. Is my pillow too soft, or my belly?

Claes Oldenburg Miniature--Only $39.99!

Gapplesoft 2009.11.28

Google

Google Buys Teracent - I'm including the link to the WSJ article on this that I found via Google News--I wouldn't otherwise have even gone to the WSJ site, and even this visit was cut short by the paywall. This does show that with all the recent advancements, Big G hasn't forgotten where its money comes from. (+1)

Wait--I Thought That Stuff Had Been Looted? - While looking at photos ain't the same, it's the best most of us will ever be able to do. (+1)

Google's Sorry, Very Sorry - That's an embarrassing spot to be in, but kudos for standing by the integrity of the search algorithm. Sometimes, democracy can be very messy. (+1 for the integrity)

Google Partners with TiVo - I have to be honest--I don't even understand what this is, but it sounds important. (+?)

Apple

Nosmo King - Maybe the smoke interferes with the FM transmitter, 'cause mine ain't working yet. (+0)

Magic Mouse Drivers for Windows - Thanks! Now how about some drivers for Chrome OS? (+1)

"There's an Ad for That" - Wow, it looks like Verizon made AT&T feel like Apple made Microsoft feel. I bet we could get ubiquitous wireless Internet for the same or less cost than these commercials. WWGD? (-1)

Don't Forget the Bubblewrap - I once met this woman at a conference who bragged about her degree in logistics. I didn't understand what that was at the time, but her job was walking the microphone around to audience members with questions--so I figured that's what it was about. I didn't understand why she needed a degree for that. (-1)

Apple Unveils 'Live Music'--Oops, Missed It - Okay, so it's music that was once live, and is either more vibrant than overproduced studio music or completely awful because the 'artists' have no talent. At least now we can find out before springing for concert tix. I'd like to think the bands will win, too, for monetizing something they were already producing, but it's likely some corporation actually gets the money from this sort of gig. (+1)

Microsoft

WSJ to Block Google, Sell to Bing? - I'm not mad at WSJ or Microsoft for this move--more appalled by their stupidity. I'm half-inclined to give them a point because I feel sorry for them, but I can't bring myself to award stupidity. (-1)

Windows 8 in 2012 - The thing that bothers me most about Microsoft's strategy is their tendency to announce things well before they have anything to show for it. Why would they announce Windows 8 when they've just released Windows 7? (-1)

This week's score: Google (+3), Apple (+0), Microsoft (-2)

Cumulative score: Google (+9), Apple (+1), Microsoft (-5)

Elsewhere

Has Firefox jumped the shark? Just kidding, really--after all Google Chrome is fresh out of the box and already has a Mariah Carey theme.

The Fantastic Mister _____

Step 1: Obtain doll clothes of a size appropriate for groundhogs, foxes, squirrels, etc.

Step 2: Locate fresh roadkill, the more intact the better.

Step 3: Dress the roadkill in doll clothes.

Step 4: Leave the dressed roadkill where it is likely to get hit again.

Step 5: Wait and watch for amazement as passersby spot what looks like an animal that had been well-dressed when it got hit by a car.

Gapplesoft 2009.11.21

How do news events affect a single user's opinion of tech company reputations?

Google
Google Phone - Last week I mentioned a mythical phone with hardware design by Apple and software by Google. This week I see a rumor of a phone with both by Google. Google hardware? It just doesn't fit their business model, or didn't--but with the announcement that Chrome OS would be sold on hardware rather than made available as a downloadable OS, I'm starting to suspect Big G of mission creep. (-1 for losing phocus)

I'm Getting Dizzy - Even my local public library has this kind of web search for terms, though I've never found it terribly helpful. I feel the same way here--though this is a very clean interface, it's hard to tell how the visual version of the Wonder Wheel connects the images, so the journey is a bit random. (+1 for interface, -1 for lack of functional use)

Will Chrome Go Platinum? - I was a bit surprised by the contentiousness of this week's Chrome OS developer code release. Some pundits praised the concept, others mocked it. I admit to falling on the praise side--long frustrated by the interference of my OS on the things I want to do, I welcome an OS designed specifically to meet my 90% need. Some decried the inability to run local applications like Photoshop, or to edit video--but when I need to do those things, I'll start up my PC and go use my Chrome netbook until the PC finishes booting. (+1 for energy efficiency, +1 for 7-second startup, +1 for being able to login to "your computer" from any other Chrome computer, -1 for only installing it on new machines)

One note to the above item: It does sound a bit like Google is developing the Zonbu, whom I note is no longer selling their silent, energy efficient computers and concentrating instead on their Linux-based web OS. I used the Zonbu for a year or two at a previous residence and found it quite useful as an always-on web terminal and liked especially that it was maintained through the Zonbu service, so it required no more user-side maintenance than an occasional restart.

[man cheers] - Google also announced this week that it has begun adding automatic captions to YouTube videos, starting with the education channels. As a hard of hearer, a frequent DVD captioner, I applaud this move. Although I found where to activate the captioning, I was unable to find a video that actually had captioning, even in the education channels. (+1 for capability, -1 for launching before widely available--what are you, Microsoft?)

Apple
Apple v. Pystar - Apple crushes Pystar's Mac clones to maintain its premium pricing margin. This from the man who didn't want to sell songs for more than 99 cents. I'm beginning to understand how someone could be a communist and a fascist at the same time, but it ain't Barack Obama. (-1 for Darth Vader-like behavior)

Apple Tablet - I admit it--I have greasy fingers. That's okay on the small-scale of my iPod Touch, but on a tablet computer? Still, I think it widespread use of tablets would be a terrific advance, and Apple is one who could design it well. So is it ever coming? Will Google end up developing it before Apple? I think Apple would rather wait until it has a great product rather than risk releasing a dud. (C'mon, already! But +1 for exercising restraint)

Microsoft
Wrap It Up In Ribbons; Drop It in the Trash - "Once you familiarize yourself with ribbons you will find it hard to go back. The ribbon interface is more intuitive and helps you operate more efficiently." Fuck that. I've been using that goddamn ribbon for two years and I hate its fucking guts. It sounded like a great idea, but somehow the next thing I need is always on a different ribbon, and the groupings seem arbitrary. If for the ribbons alone, I will never buy another version of Office again unless it's a re-release of 2003. (-1 for the fucking ribbons, you sons-of-bitches!)

Go Forward to the Past with IE9 - Seriously, this is embarrassing. You'll keep the lion's share of the market because most people are too lazy to download another browser, and I'll always be resigned to your everlasting shittiness at the office. (-1 for mooooooving soooooooo slooooooowly)

Bing Market Share Gains - It'll be a hard sell to switch me from Google, but I'm a big believer in market competition improving things for all--so for that I'm glad Microsoft is finally putting some serious effort into its search engine. (+1 for keeping Big G honest)

Silverlight 4 - Somehow I missed Silverlight until Netflix switched to it for web streaming. God knows Flash needs a little competition. (+1 for taking on Flash)

This week's score: Google (+1), Apple (0), Microsoft (0)

Cumulative score: Google (+6), Apple (+1), Microsoft (-3)

Gapplesoft 2009.11.14

How do news events affect a single user's opinion of tech company reputations?

Google

Google v. Authors - Big G has shown that it's prepared to go the distance on this one. What it comes down to is this: what provides the value in Google's service--the content itself or the ability to find specific content. This clearly benefits both parties, so the profits should be shared. I can see Google throwing its mighty might around a bit in this battle. And I'm looking the other way because I want the service to work out. I'll still buy books, but only if I can ensure they contain what I want. (+1 for persistence, -1 for bullying)

SPDY Protocol, Go Language - Google rolls out a new programming language and a new web protocol? In Chrome's wake, Google is finding more and better ways to improve the web experience. Sure, it's ultimately self-serving--these improvements encourage users to move closer to the cloud-based future where Google has an advantage. But that's not a bad thing when we share the vision. (+1 for Go, +1 for SPDY)

Chrome OS - I'm moving to the cloud. I'm using fewer and fewer desktop applications, and I declare that I'm ready for a streamlined operating system that provides the legs (and nothing more) for the browser to stand on. I'm sick of the bloat. I'm freshly converted from Firefox to Chrome browser, and my Netbook is ready to boot Chrome. (+1)

Google v. Swiss Streets - I know there's a net neutrality joke in here somewhere. While I feel for people who have been immortalized picking their noses, scratching their butts, etc., there comes a point where petty privacy concerns ("someone could see what my garden looks like!") could hobble the utility of a service like this. Google's plate is as full as Obama's, but the Big G ain't caving. (+1)

Google Buys Gizmo5 - "We aren't subject to regulation because we don't provide the telecommunications backbone, or at least we didn't when we began this sentence, but we do now, so never mind." This acquisition makes Big G's legal caseload deeper and murkier, but widens the arsenal and positions Google Voice to take out Skype. But then again, I'm no phreak. (+0)

Google v. Murdoch - Howlin' Mad Rupert Murdoch threatens to de-index his news holdings from Google News. The linked article makes a point that Bing could pay to index News Corp's holdings, which would supposedly give Microsoft some kind of edge. Seriously? Big G should call Murdoch's bluff. Google's goal is to index all the world's information, not all the world's conspiracy-laden opinion masquerading as news. (+1)

Apple

Apple #1 Handset Vendor - Apple moves past Nokia in handset sales. I actually own a Nokia, but then again, I hate phones. Still, congrats to Apple. It will be interesting to see how Google's tactic of fielding the software alone plays out vs. Apple's complete product. I predict it will be hard for Apple to maintain their edge with the software design, but will always be a step ahead in hardware design. Coming never: an Android iPhone? (+1 for now)

AT&T v. Verizon - Verizon makes a fair comparison; AT&T cries foul. Apple may have chosen its partner poorly. "Can you hear me now?" (-1)

Is Apple the New Starbuck's? - Apple plans to open dozens more Apple stores. These stores are crowded for a reason--they're well-staffed, you get your receipt emailed to you--what's not to like? Apple isn't just selling products, they're selling a lifestyle, and having their own stores fits well into their business plan. (Microsoft stores, on the other hand, are a ridiculously backward idea.) (+1)

Microsoft

Microsoft v. Xbox Pirates - "If you can't open it, you don't own it." -Make Zine Owner's Manifesto. (-1)

Open, Now Closed - Microsoft incorporates open source code into a proprietary code, gets caught, cops to the mistake. But what does this say about their development process that this happened in the first place? (-1)

Microsoft: Like Apple, But Not - Microsoft employee claims that the company learned from their chief competitor when designing Windows 7. Yup, that's how it's supposed to work--if someone is doing something better, you incorporate that into your product to reduce their advantage. Then Microsoft denies the report. Uh, okay ... Yet more questions about their development process. (-1)

Bing + Wolfram - Microsoft clearly scooped Google on this one. Then again, I'm not sure it's working correctly. One of the examples of the article about the kinds of results Wolfram Alpha produces is for "france gdp". Here's what Wolfram Alpha by itself produces. And Bing. And Google. Advantage Google, which has a graph, just like Wolfram Alpha, plus more recent data. It's not clear how Bing has incorporated Wolfram Alpha data. Or has it not pulled in the data yet. That's why Microsoft gets some many black eyes--they announce what they're going to do well in advance of when they do it. (+1 for scooping Google, -1 for inexplicable execution)

This week's score: Google (+5), Apple (+1), Microsoft (-3)

Diaries and Journals: A Selection from the Library

• Flight Out of Time: A Dada Diary (Ball, 1996)
• Diary of a Genius (Dali, 1998)
• The Journalist (Mathews, 1997)
• The Diary of Anais Nin, Volume 1, 1931-1934 (Nin, 1969)
• Diary of an Unknown (Cocteau, 1988)
• Anne Frank: Diary of a Young Girl (Frank, 1990)
• Bridget Jones's Diary (Fielding, 1999) [My wife's, I swear!]
• Diary: A Novel (Palahniuk, 2004)
• Days: Tangier Journal 1987-1989 (Bowles, 1991)
• Journal of Albion Moonlight (Patchen, 1961)
• Attending Marvels: A Patagonian Journal (Simpson, 1965)
• My Lorraine Journal (O'Shaughnessy, 1918)
• Boswell's London Journal 1762-1763 (Boswell, 1950)

Ill with the Composition - Latest Entries

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[Also, check this out for more uses of the human fingernail.]

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2009.11.08

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